WHY Women Over 30 Should Stop Wearing These Things


A few days ago, this little article tripped its way through my Facebook feed a few times, so I clicked. I fell prey to the bait. The idea behind the blog is that women over a certain age should stop wearing particular items because, well, we’re just too damn old. Ridiculous. The more I thought about each thing on the list, the more I asked myself WHY we have to stop wearing them. With that question in mind, I went back through and realized there are some valid reasons, maybe, that a woman shouldn’t wear these things over the age of 30.

Leopard print

Sure, I guess a woman over thirty should stop wearing leopard print if the print is MADE OF REAL LEOPARD FUR. But only then, and only if you’re morally opposed to fur or allergic to cats.

Sparkly pants

The real danger with sparkly pants is a sunny day. These things, while cute on woman of any age, could potentially blind someone. On a cloudy day? Go for it.

Oversized sunglasses

If it’s not sunny outside, wear the sparkly pants but leave the oversized sunglasses at home. Otherwise, wear any old size sunglasses you want. It’s your face, your eyes, and your fashion sense.

Non-matching socks

Come on. You’re gonna have boots on anyway, so who really cares? There is absolutely no reason you can’t wear non-matching socks. Ever. Go mix ‘em up right now if that’s your thing.

Hoop earrings

Don’t ever, ever wear hoop earrings if you’re allergic to the metal.

Furry boots

With winter coming? Furry boots are a must. Only, they’re not a smart idea around my house because Hurley thinks they’re other animals and attacks. My personal choice is not to wear them because I don’t want my feet to be chew toys. No attack dogs in your house? NO REASON NOT TO WEAR THEM.

Furry anything

Look, people started wearing fur because it was warm and necessary. If you’re cold, wear fur. If you live in the tropics, it’s probably not necessary.

Tube tops

I have no justification for this. But still, if you like it, wear it.

Short dresses

Most of the United States will be in a polar vortex for a majority of the winter. That’s a pretty good reason not to wear short dresses. But if you’re impervious to the cold, show those legs.

Mini skirts

Again, cold. But if you wear furry boots and furry other things, you might just stay warm enough.

Overalls

Um, I suppose if you’re not a farmer, you could do without these. But maybe you are a farmer. Or an Osh Kosh B’Gosh model. Or maybe you just like them. Seriously, wear the overalls.

Crop Tops

Ever sat in a chair that’s really cold? With a crop top, that cold hits right in the middle of your back. If that kind of thing bothers you, don’t wear a crop top.

American Eagle

Hey, even this snarky blog said their jeans fit perfectly. Do what you want.

Booty shorts

Definitely don’t wear these if you’re going to a job interview. Unless your interview is at Hooters. I don’t judge.

Old sneakers

Now this is ridiculous. Putting on your favorite busted tennis shoes after a long day in heels is better than a bubble bath. But if you’re about to model the latest Jimmy Choo designs, the Chucks must come off.

Cheap bras

The only reason you shouldn’t wear cheap bras is if you’re planning to go braless. Otherwise, who are we to tell you how much to spend on your unmentionables?

Glitter eyeshadow

If you have sensitive eyes, the glitter might irritate them. Otherwise, glitter eyeshadow is awesome! It covers the fact that you haven’t tweezed your eyebrows in a week.

Platform flip-flops

If you have weak ankles, platform flip-flops are a no-no. I avoid them at all costs, honestly, but I’d rather lose an eye than break my leg again. If you’re a thrill seeker? Go for it.

Abercrombie & Fitch

I agree with this one. Don’t give money to these people. They help perpetuate the myth that only a certain type of woman is beautiful, and you deserve to feel beautiful no matter what.

Scrunchies

What’s not to like? They’re easy on your hair, meaning less breakage and smoother cuticle over time. Don’t wear scrunchies if you prefer the free-flowing mermaid look. Wear them if you’re dressing as Cyndi Lauper for Halloween. Actually, wear them whenever the hell you feel like pulling your hair out of your face. It’s your damn hair. (Thanks, Jasmine, for this contribution.)

So, yeah. I say women have a right to feel comfortable and beautiful in whatever they’re wearing, whatever others might say or think. Don’t let a snarky article make you feel like less. As long as you like it (and can deal with the consequences of wearing it), no one should tell you otherwise.

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